We often to do not cherish who we are, who we are becoming and where we come from. Childhood adverse experiences, hidden loyalties towards ancestors who lived a heavy life, educational and societal pressures and norms make us forge a mask or a facade that shows something that we often do not like but we accept it as normal. Because we feel obliged by these rules and norms, or we feel we would not be accepted by others around us if we would be different.

I used to be a good girl, always smiling and accepting many situations and attitudes just because I thought this is the way we handle life and our connections, this is the way we create a path in life. But life was never recompensing me for being nice and accommodating, on the contrary. Many difficulties arose just because I did not know there was another way of being and connecting. I did not know there was magic and wilderness inside me. I was living disconnected from the most precious source of wisdom and life force – my Womb, disconnected from my Heart too.

At 26 y old I went abroad, leaving my family and native country in search of myself. I was dreaming in building an international career, finding someone to love and be loved and creating a family. Little I knew back then that Life had other plans for me and that I would have to make a Cross wandering around Europe, from a country to another, from E to S, then from W to N, to find who I truly was and create a new version of Me. All these journeys helped me tap into my inner landscape and find the Wild within.

Around my 30s, while in Italy, a boyfriend I used to have there gifted me a book that was a real eye-opener: Women who run with the wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Reading avidly the book I realized that the whole apparatus I created in the past was laying down on a fake foundation and it was already in danger to crash down. Slowly I started to look around and more attentively to myself, to how I was evaluating the world and its norms. There was a silent and heavy burden I was carrying and not sure how to do it without it.

The wild woman in me was slowly waking up. After leaving Italy in 2008, I went to Portugal, where a new path opened for me: the shamanic practices. Between Romania and Portugal I received initiations and ceremonial blessings in different traditions. But the crucial moment when the Pandora Box opened was the birth of my son in 2013. It was a painful, stressful and confusing period that I will always remember as one of the biggest challenges of my life. In that period I started to understand that the mask and facade I created and sustained for years were slowly crumbling. The wolf-woman, having to take her fate in her own hands, alone with a new born, without a stable job, bleeding from inside because of deep trauma, was surging day by day, tear by tear, sigh by sigh, fight by fight.

I did not know that around my 40s I was stepping gradually in a new chapter of my life, where I was also remembering who I truly was, taking back my power. The real breakthrough happened after arriving to Norway in 2016. I was 39, with a little boy 3.5y old, more than 100 boxes of belonging, hoping to find more stability and prosperity. I was carrying many wounds and unprocessed trauma and this new beginning felt again like a trial. Then, in 2017 things started to align and I connected with my womb space. The Voice of the Wild within spoke lauder and lauder, I could not ignore it anymore. I went deeper in experiencing my body and retrieving layer by layer hidden memories and stories. I have met many women, wise women, who supported me in this journey of self-discovery and healing. Family constellations, art therapy, somatic therapy, dancing, trauma therapy, shamanic journeying and healing, plant medicine, embodiment techniques became my safe space where I could open again that Pandora Box and face all its treasures without fear. Almost 10 years of deep and continuous work on myself, my trauma biography and blockages. I never stopped, every year a new layer of understanding, shedding, accepting, integrating was added while I was leaving behind old beliefs, patterns, behaviors, survival strategies. Hundreds of hours of being vulnerable, being held and testified, expanding my own consciousness and awareness of who I was becoming, returning back to the Self, to my real home.

In 2020, in the global crisis of the pandemic, the Wild could not be stopped anymore. I answered to the call and started to support people around me, in different countries. It was a turning point and a bold move to decide that I can do it, that now I have the skills and knowledge to be of support, to teach others and share my own views and experience. But again, I was not listening to my Body and felt several times close to burn-out. It was when the Wild started to notice my Heart and listen to its drum beat. I am learning now to listen more, to be more, and do less. I am still doing the inner work, but it feels I am on a different paradigm of re-constructing my own Identity and World. New challenges appeared, but as I have a different awareness and understanding of myself and the reality around, I handle them in a more conscious and embodied manner. The Heart dances into the Wild space of my Womb and feels safe to be heard and followed without stress and hustle. I can shut down the outer noise and only listen to its drum beat and envision a new space where continuous evolving into Presence is possible.

What about you? Did you meet and tended to your Wild or are you still waiting for a miracle to happen? Learn to listen to your Body, connect with the Heart space and invite that spark of magic inside the cauldron of your Womb (if you have one, or just stay inside the Heart if you do not have it). So every moment becomes a quantum movement into Being: Present, Wild and Whole!